Bridge Pattern

Guess who's back? (bah~ I should stop with these monologues)

I'd like to write about something I've been using a lot these days doing my sound and graphics programming.
Not that it has anything to do with sound or graphics.
You probably saw in games that sometimes you could actually chose between OpenGL and DirectX (Deus Ex), or FMOD and XAudio2 (StarCraft 2 if I remember well). Well, this is possible thanks to the Bridge Pattern. This pattern lets us programmers switch from one implementation to another without having to change everything behind.

Imagine you're programming an application to create a window. You would code something close to:

Heretic programming

Ok, doesn't seem to be a lot of work... But keep in mind that each graphic API has over a hundred function (maybe more), for each functionality you have to do the same switch. And what will happen once Microsoft releases it's DirectX12? You will have to go through the code again and add the DirectX12 line and functionality. Lot of work for little readability and even less maintainability.

That's where the Bridge Pattern comes in. This pattern won't free you from the work of implementing the new API, but it will separate each part making it object-oriented, making it easy to read and maintain.
The basis of this pattern is simple actually. I'll change now from graphics to sound and try to explain you guys how I implemented OpenAL and XAudio2 APIs within my engine.

First I create a pure virtual class VxSoundDeviceImp which will serve as the interface for the APIs I want to use in my engine namely VxOpenALSoundDeviceImp and VxXAudio2SoundDeviceImp. The names may seem long and they are long actually but since it will be only for internal use it won't matter.
To force my API to implement a certain functionality I define all functions I want to implement as virtual pure, this way Play and Stop for instance will have to be present in both implementations. The others may not be present in both APIs if not vital.

Now that I have my implementations, I create yet another class VxSoundDevice to actually interact with my implementations. This class will contain an instance of VxSoundDeviceImp that I will cast to one of it's child classes (see Polymorphism) to use one implementation. All it does is calling the interface functions so that the polymorphism will call the correct one. See the UML for a overall view.

UML Bridge Pattern

The only class the user can instantiate is the VxSoundDevice class making all implementation stuff work in the shades. It is completely transparent for the user if he is using OpenAL or XAudio2. A call to Play will simply play the sound and that is all he as to know.
Here's a simple tutorial of what the Bridge Pattern look like for an user (don't mind the missing deletes...):

How to Bridge Pattern

Also, often people are confused between the Bridge Pattern and the Adapter Pattern because they basically do the same job. Correct. What you should keep in mind is that each pattern focus on a type of problem.The Bridge Pattern and the Adapter Pattern are for a totally difference usage!
To quote from this article by James W. Cooper:

At first sight, the Bridge pattern looks a lot like the Adapter pattern in that a class is used to convert one kind of interface to another. However, the intent of the Adapter pattern is to make one or more classes' interfaces look the same as that of a particular class. The Bridge pattern is designed to separate a class's interface from its implementation so you can vary or replace the implementation without changing the client code.

Let's look at a quick example of a Adapter Pattern to sort things out. Every programmer as heard of the word wrapper (wrapper interface, wrapper library, etc).
Now, imagine a native function form an C API called int factorial(int number). We want now to create the same function to use it in a C# application and another for a LUA application. For this we use the Adapter Pattern to create a common interface that will implement a more specific function adapted to each language. We would have a Int32 factorial(Int32 number) in C# and function factorial(number).
I prefer not to give an implementation because I'm not used to that pattern, nor to create wrapper libraries. Internet is plenty of useful tutorials and articles about this subject and I'm sure Google won't refuse one of your request.


And I'm done. Hope this article is readable and it helpful to someone!

Pizzeria Bianco - Phoenix - Great Pizza

Finally made it to Pizzeria Bianco today. I have been reading for years that it is one of the top Pizza's in the USA - but with a 2 hour wait to get in. They are now open for Lunch and while fairly full there was no wait for a table.

The atmosphere and building are really very nice. A good menu of salads, beer, etc. to accompany the Pizza. There are several red sauce and several "white" Pizza's. There are also quite a few add on toppings you can order. We had 2 white Pizza. One was olive oil Mozzarella cheese, Rosemary, red onion, Pistachio nuts. Despite the description it was a very, very lightly topped Pizza which is PERFECT. Really good. We also had a Pizza with some really high quality fresh Ricotta, basil, and we added some primo Prosciutto. Also great. Add a few local ales and you are all set.

3 Nenek Penggemar Cityville (Jokes)

Di sebuah kota-desa (city-ville) tujuan turis yang lagi berkembang, terletak di bawah sebuah kaki gunung yang eksotis, ketiga nenek yang kecapekan setelah seharian bermain CityVille, duduk - duduk dan mengobrol di sebuah bangku di taman:

Nenek 1: Dulu kota ini adalah sebuah desa kecil yang terpencil, bahkan ga bakal terpikirkan bakal ramai seperti sekarang ini, nah kalian tahu siapa yang

Cypress - Our Best High End Meal in Charleston

After our disappointment with Husk and our totally awesome meals at Marta Lou's Kitchen and J.B.'s Smokeshack I was prepared to be let down by Cypress. If fact almost cancelled the reservation. However, we were totally impressed from start to finish. The drinks, service, decor, food, and wine were all first class. It was a very Southern high end Hospitality place. If you want to do Charleston's best I recommend Cypress.

Unlike Husk they were not trying to be down home Low Country - they were an uptown, local, seasonal, class act.

Husk - Bon Appetit (Not) Best New Restaurant 2011 - Charleston

After reading about Husk in Bon Appetit it was the first reservation we made when planning our trip to Charleston. Seemed like the place we had to go to experience the new high end of Low Country Cuisine.

It is a very nice restaurant in a great part of town. The vibe and buzz were fun and the food was just fine. It wasn't, however, even close to the best new restaurant I have been to recently. There are better in any food city in America. I presume someone at Bon Appetit has only been out to eat once this year in a new restaurant!

Part of the problem with Husk is that even a very good high volume restaurant can't really compete with a Martha Lou's Kitchen or a J.B.'s Smokeshack in Low Country Cuisine precisely because of it's size and "niceness". This kind of food is best cooked and passed directly to you by the cook on a paper plate. When you fancy it up you are missing the whole point in my opinion.

This was the 4th best meal we had in Charleston - which isn't bad but it isn't "best" either.

10 HAL yang bikin MACET di JAKARTA!!!

1. Angkot

ya lo tau sendiri lah gayanya gimana

2. Sopir Angkot

Ini nih yang menggerakan benda persegipanjang beroda tersebut

3. Tempat Ngetem Angkot

Uda gitu kadang ngetem-nya tidak pada tempatnya lagi, entah pas di depan tingkungan, ada yang depan gerbang rumah orang, dan kadang pas sejajar di tengah-tengah jalan.

4. Penumpang Angkot

Suka nyomot dan naro penumpang tidak pada

Nama Kecil Agnes Monica (E! Off-line Entertainment - A secret revealed)

Mungkin banyak yang penasaran nama kecil si Agnes Monica..

seperti kita tahu, kalau dilihat dari logic ataupun premisenya

jika nama kecil superman adalah superboy

maka nama kecil sudirman adalah sudirboy 

(weird propositions..)

lalu siapa nama kecil Agnes Monica?

menurutmu??




Mamanya bilang waktu kecil sih dia bilangnya ini...

Agnes Mocuucuu...


'tar kalo dah cukup waktunya..

baru

J.B's Smokeshack - Charleston - Yes a Buffet Can be Awesome!

So, we kept driving by J.B.s Smokeshack going to and from Seabrook Island and Charleston. After our awesome Lunch at Martha Lou's Kitchen we decided we should give the Smokeshack a try to see how really low , Low Country Cuisine stacked up to Husk and Cypress.



For an astonishing $11.50 ea for dinner we pigged out on ribs, Chicken, cornbread, Corn pudding, mac and cheese, an array of low country sides, and the best banana pudding with nilla wafers I have ever had. Everything was cooked in small batches, and the attentive crowd was just waiting to descend on each dish as it arrived fresh at the buffet.



I was pretty full and happy after thirds on everything. Don't miss this place if you are within a hundred miles!

Martha Lou's Kitchen - Charleston, Low Country Cousine

Having read about Martha Lou's in Saveur and the NY Times we decided we had to try it out to see what the real low end of Low Country Cuisine as all about. TOTALLY AWESOME - that's what.

Martha Lou, who is about 85, was our hostess, waitress, cook, busser, and cashier. This lady can really cook.

When you order she starts with fresh uncooked chicken and pan fries it individually. When it is done she instantly serves it with really yummy sides. This is the secret to great fried foods - fresh and served within a minute of being done.

As you see from the menu it is pretty simple, $8.50 for a heaping plate of delicious food and an iced tea. Can't be beat.

It is between the airport and downtown Charleston Stop on your way in or out of town.
You will not be disappointed - take your time and enjoy real cooking.

Cerita orang Batak beli Batik

Suatu hari seorang Batak hendak membeli Batik di sebuah Butik
Rupanya penjualnya adalah seorang Ibu-ibu...

Orang Batak: Horas Ibu

Ibu Penjual : HahHHhh Berasss!!? di sebelah pak! (agak budeg rupanya)

Orang Batak: (emosi) HORAS ibu HORAS!!

Ibu Penjual: Ya iya KERAS pak KERAS, nanti kalau udah jadi NASI jadi Lembut BERASNYA!! Kalau mau beli yang KAGA keras SANA DI wArteG! 

Orang Batak: (

VoidEnigne v0.0.0.0.0.0.1.0

Hi Duarte, how have you been? (-__- bah~)

Little update has to be made. It's been some time since I started that so called "engine" and some work has already been made so far. Nothing terrific, but hey! who cares?

So:

-Basic maths [CHECK]: Vector2, Vector3, Vector4 and Matrix3x3 are done. It still lacks a Quaternion and a Matrix4x4 or Matrix3x4 not sure which will be the more useful (maybe both...). Just the basic operations have been coded, the others will be made when they will be needed.

-Sound [INCOMPLETE]: The architecture is done but still didn't think what functionality will be implemented nor what kind of load system will be used. Should it be a "jukebox" where the sound will be loaded into to play it after or should any sound be played alone?

-Graphic [INCOMPLETE]: DirectX10 coded. For now there is little interest in it other than create a window and display text on it. I'll stop here for now while the model class isn't here yet.

I probably should keep my test sample to turn them into tutorials later one. But since I test so many things, that the design of the engine is still a prototype, it would be a waste of time to do so. We'll see about that later.

That's all I needed to say. 

Cuoco - Excellent Northern Italian in South Lake Union

Owner Tom Douglas and Chef Stuart Lane have a winner in their South Lake Union eatery CUOCO. Cuoco means "cook" and they do it very well there. I have tried both Lunch and Dinner and I find the atmosphere, food, drink, and total experience to be very satisfying - not inexpensive - but worth the tab.



It is especially nice to have a great high end food place for lunch. Tom Douglas is one of the few Seattle restauranteurs to offer lunch with panache at all his places.



My first visit wasa "play-date" lunch with a friend and a couple 2-3 year old charges. We all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves in a very grownup atmosphere. Fortunately, the atmosphere is noisy and happy with lots of 6 plus person groups and fairly casual wood table seating. The chef made an off the menu simple bocotini with a butter and light cheese sauce for our young girls and they loved it.



The second visit was a nice diner group of 6 with very good drinks and a nice leisurely dinner.



One of the things they do very well at Cuoco is of the moment, fresh appetisers that are innovate, simple, beautiful, and tasty. Their pastas are world class - better than Spinasse where we have dined many times. Stuart Lane developed the great fresh pasta program at Cafe Juanita when he worked there for Holly Smith, and also briefly cooked at Cuscina Spainasse when we had our 2 best meals there.



The various dishes we tried on our 2 visits are listed below. All were of the best, freshest ingredients, cooked perfectly. If I have any complaint it is that in their quest for simplicity they tend to under season many of their dishes. Unfortunately, you cannot get the really incredible ingredient taste enhancement benefits of salt in a dish by adding it as a diner at the table - it really has to be blended in before and during cooking.





dishes we tried and liked:



La tur cheese, cherries, walnuts, arugula



Burrata cheese, olive oil, macerated figs, olive crostini



24 month Parma prosciutto with arugula, olive oil, and griddled bread



Fava beans, whey poached egg, pecorino stagionato cheese



Roasted cauliflower, chickpea, vin santo grapes



Corn Salad - roasted fresh corn with great cherry tomatos



Bucatini pasta, Marinara, young goat meatballs



Spaghetti, garlic, anchovy, breadcrumbs, chili flakes, parmigiano cheese with grilled prawns



Risotto with Diver scallops, sweet sicily, chives, olio verde



Seven layer lasagna, bolognese, besciamella, parmigiano



Dry aged Washington rib steak, grilled country bread, roasted cherry

peppers, beacon hill arugula, lambrusco spring onions



Apricot Crostada with rosemary ice cream



Taramisu



Espresso over vanilla gelato



This place is a winner - go there - especially great for groups which is hard to do well in other "fine dining" places and formats.

Sustain me, baby!

Restaurant Name: Sustain

Location: Miami, Florida



So, last week I traveled from New York to Miami to visit a dear friend. Her husband is the owner of one of Miami's new, hot restaurants, Sustain. Naturally, we went to eat there.



Here's the skinny:



Living for 3 years in one of the world's premiere food cities has made me pretty hard to please, but Sustain got the job done. As the restaurant is owned by a friend, I was nervous that I might not like it. How awkward would that have been? Very. Fortunately, I loved pretty much everything about the place.



The name of the restaurant is also the restaurant's philosophy - sustainable and local, all the way from the decor (hip, open, and inviting) to the food (un-apologetically rich and sourced almost exclusively from southern Florida). Since I was eating with the owner, I can't really comment fairly on the service, except to say that it was great.



I sampled quite a bit of menu - from a charcuterie platter (amazing house-made pate and duck rillettes, plus pickled mushrooms) to chicharrones (a little chewy, but delightfully bacon-y), to salads, fried chicken, and more.



My favorites were the salad and fried chicken. The salad was a red butter leaf lettuce charmer (lettuce from local Swank Farms) with Benton's smoked bacon lardons, super-flavorful, crunchy croutons, tomatoes, and a plate-lickingly good buttermilk dressing. This was up there with my favorite salads ever.



The fried chicken was everything you want fried chicken to be: crispy, tender, and just the right amount of salty. After tasting it, I was unsurprised to learn that they brined and poached the meat before battering and flash-frying to finish. It was served with honey (a genius, classic combo) and beans flavored with (of course) bacon. The most awesomely awesome part of this dish, though, was the creamed Kale. I will dream of the creamed Kale for years to come; it was that good. Hearty, healthy Kale smothered in the silkiest enriched cream sauce. Oh, a vat of that to go, please!



In fact, I loved the Kale so much that I've attempted to create my own version at home...



Sustain-Inspired Creamed Kale

serves 2-4 (depending on how greedy you get)



Ingredients:

1 bunch fresh Kale (I used a lovely purple leaf variety), torn into large pieces

1 tbs butter

2 tbs flour

1 pint whipping cream (do NOT wimp out and use milk), or perhaps a bit more

1/2-1 cup freshly grated aged cheddar cheese

salt & pepper to taste



Instructions



In a saucepan, melt the butter over medium high heat and add the flour to create a roux. Cook the roux, whisking, until slightly browned and fragrant. Add the cream 1/2 cup at a time, whisking continuously until the mixture is slightly thickened and smooth. Add more cream if necessary to thin the mixture - it should be easily pourable. Whisk in the cheese (starting with just 1/2 cup and increasing from there, if desired), and salt and pepper to taste.



Meanwhile, in a large stock pot, bring salted water to a rolling boil and add the Kale. Blanch the Kale until tender, then drain. Add the Kale to the cream sauce and simmer a few moments to combine well.



Voila...and thank you, Sustain. The highest compliment I can give a restaurant is that it's food inspires me to try and cook it at home.

Undangan William & Kate

Nambut Silaning Akrami

KATE MIDDLETON, Amd.
(Putri Bpk. Michael / Ibu Carole)

kaliyan

WILLIAM ARTHUR PHILLIP LOUIS,SE,MM
(Putra Bpk. Charles Philip Arthur George / Ibu Diana Spencer .almh)

Dhaup Suci :

Dinten : Jumat Kliwon
Suryo Kaping : 29 April 2011
Wanci Tabuh : 09.30
Mapan ing : Wsminster Abey, London

Winantu Sagunging Pakurmatan,

Kanthi Lumaraping Nawala Sedhahan, Minangka Sesulih

Duka Cita Mbah Parjo

Suatu malam seorang laki-laki berkata :
"Kita lahir ke dunia ini bersama-sama, kita jalani masa2 indah bersama, suka-duka bersama. Tapi kenapa teganya kamu mati duluan meninggalkan aku sendirian?".
Demikian pertanyaan Mbah Parjo sambil mengintip si buyung di dalam sarungnya.

Down to The Last Penny

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.

He gives the young boy three 5 rupee coins to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the coins but is still choking.

Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for

When Doctor Having Sex

One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers.
They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors.
After about an hour, the man says to the woman.
"Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun."
The woman doctor agrees to it.
So, they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom.
She goes in the

Sniffer

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.

'His name is Sniffer and

Words to Remember

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit.

Some Wacky Mature Quotes

If necessity is the mother of invention, then…
Frustration is the  father of masturbation!

Always marry a woman with small palms. It makes your dick  look bigger !

I believe in safe sex...I've got a handrail around the  bed.

Just remember: No matter how hot & sexy a babe is,  someone somewhere  is tired of fucking her!

The difference between sex and death is that, with death, you  can do it 

Overdue

Mr. Sharma comes home one night and his wife throws her arms around his neck: I have great news... I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!!! The doctor gave me a test today but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad Electric Company)  because the electricity bill has not been paid.

"Am I

Topless

Seorang kakek tua berusia 85 tahun pergi mengunjungi dokter kelamin untuk memeriksa kandungan spermanya. Sang dokter mengambil sebuah toples kecil dan berkata,’BAWA TOPLES KECIL INI PULANG DAN BAWA KEMBALI ESOK HARI DENGAN CONTOH SPERMA ANDA DI DALAMNYA,'

Keesokannya kakek tersebut datang kembali ke klinik* dan memberikan toples kecil itu kepada sang dokter. Akan tetapi toples kecil itu masih

Perahu Akan Tenggelam

Perahu berisi 3 orang akan tenggelam.

Orang pertama :  Alllahuakbar ,..  Tuhan maha besar,.. " dampingi aku "
Orang kedua    :  Ya BAPA,..  bukankah Engkau pernah meredakan angin,..  " dampingi Aku"

Orang ketiga bernama " Loe Tjiak Lat. "
Matiiii gua ,.. ini prau udah mau kelelep,. malah teman teman gua ini mau nambah beban "2"  lagi .

KUNJUNGAN MENDADAK SBY

SBY melakukan kunjungan dadakan ke sebuah rumah sakit jiwa.
Pihak RSJ kalang kabut dan membuat penyambutan sekenanya. Staf RSJ berjajar, juga pasien yg dianggap sdh agak waras.

SBY menyalami mereka. "Saya SBY," ia memperkenalkan diri pd salah seorang yg tampaknya tak kenal dia.

"Oh, tidak apa-apa," sahut orang itu. "Saya waktu baru masuk juga ngaku Pak Harto kok, Nanti lama-lama sembuh sendiri."

The Queen and Dolly

The Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these,

What Women Want in a Man?

What Women Want in a Man?

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
 
Revised List (age 32):

1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more

The Good Old Days - Before and After Internet

As time marches forward it is becoming increasingly difficult to remember what life was like before the Internet. For some of today's youth the Internet in it's current form has always existed. So let's take a moment to reminisce about what life was like before the Internet (and what has changed since it's conception) before we all forget.


Before: Family time was spent watching TV or playing

Children's Reply

I always love the joke involve children.... their replies always make more sense......


TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA:         Here it  is.
TEACHER:   Correct.  Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:         Maria.
____________________________________  

TEACHER:    John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to

Show Your Badge

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"

Reaching into his rear pants

Met Kenal Yach

Sebuah sperma yang baru lahir sedang diajar oleh instrukturnya :

"Begitu kamu disemprot keluar, berenang sekencangnya sampai ke ujung gua dan kamu akan ketemu bulatan merah bernama telur.

Deketin dia dan bilang : "Saya sperma."

Dan dia akan bilang : "Saya telur."

Dari situ kamu akan mulai bikin calon anak. Mengerti?".

Si sperma mengangguk dengan mantapnya.

Dua hari kemudian waktu lagi asik

Water in Carburetor

How to explain your problem in a controlled way.....

A woman comes home from her shopping tour and says to her husband:

"My car has got water in the carburetor! "

Husband: Come, come! How would you know, not having the faintest idea of a car engine?

Woman: Believe me, there is water in the carburetor.

Husband: Give me the key, I’ll have a look at that. She hands the key over to him. While

Mafioso

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead."

"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a

Golfing accident

Two women were playing golf.

One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a group of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands
together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
“Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical

How to Impress a Woman & Men

How to IMPRESS a WOMAN

Listen to her,

compliment her,

respect her,

honor her,


comfort her,

protect her,

hug her,

cuddle her

tease her,

spend money on her,

wine and dine her,

buy things for her,

reassure  her,

go to the ends of the Earth for her.

kiss her,

caress her,

stroke her,

love her,




How to IMPRESS a MAN

Show up naked but have

a beer in your hand.

Babbo Ristorante NYC - Too Successful for your own good

I have been to many transporting Northern Italian "pasta" based restaurants. I have been to most of Mario Batali's restaurants and have found them to be world class. From Del Posto to Casa Mono and The Spotted Pig Mario finds great chefs, has high standards, and does a great job. The problem with Babbo is that is WAY TOO popular for your own good as a diner. The place is so busy and so crowded that, while it is an exciting mob scene experience, they simply cannot provide the world class food and service that the menu, chef, ingredients, staff, and venue is capable of.



I hate to say this as a diner but I know it to be true: Mario needs to literally double the prices here to get "crowd control" and quality control. I know this because I had one of the best meals of my life at the B&B Ristorante in the Venetian in Las Vegas eating the same menu items I had a Babbo. The B&B is a virtual knockoff of Babbo also owned by Mario and Bastianich. The room, menu, and everything is almost identical - but it is not over crowded - and guess what? The prices for each identical dish are almost double what they are at Babbo - which is a general reversal of what I find most NYC celebrity chef restaurant price comparisons with the Las Vegas spinoffs.



I believe Mario and Bastianich are intentionally pricing low and overstuffing the place with diners as a homage to their first really successful restaurant - it is almost a public service to them to allow as many people as possible to enjoy the place. I can easily see why many people think this is an incredible value and unbelievable menu - it is just not what it could and should be.

The Void Engine

What better way is there to improve your knowledge of engines than to do one on your own ?
I can't find any...so I guess I'll stick to this idea.

That in mind, I'll start to code an engine from scratch and release some features when they are ready.
What I'll try to do is to avoid using existing libraries so that the engine can stay as free as possible.
Of course, I don't expect anything from it. Don't know how far I'll be able to go and I don't expect anyone to even take a look at it :)
Anyway it still is a good experience I think.

To start with, I'll try to implement the following:

1. Basic maths
2. FSM structure
3. Sound api
4. XML reader/writer (probably)
5. COLLADA importer

Then, if everything goes well I'll begin a simple 3D lib. The best would be that the engine could be used under both win and unix OS using DirectX and OpenGL. Still didn't figured out how to do so though.

Anyway, it's still too soon to talk about that...

New Wine

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot  Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new  hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected  to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the  bathroom during the night.

The new  wine will be marketed as

PINO MORE

I  HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE

This wine is great for old

Tionghoa Vs Steven Spielberg

Suatu malam di Amerika, seorang pria Tionghoa masuk ke sebuah bar dan melihat sutradara kondang Steven Spielberg (sutradara Titanic dan Jurassic Park). Dengan hati gembira, dia bergegas menghampiri menghampiri untuk minta tanda tangan.

Sayang, bukan tanda tangan yang didapat, Spielberg malah menamparnya dan berkata, "Kalian orang Chinese, mengebom Pearl Harbour, enyah dari sini." Spontan pria

Poems Found In Toilets

I hope you enjoy these POEMS


            POEMS FOUND IN TOILETS.

            THE 'FUTURE' IS IN YOUR HAND, HOLD IT GENTLY'

            Excellent poems by not so famous poets.....
            Found on toilet doors and walls...

            A budding poet trying his best...
            Here I lie in stinky vapour,
            Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
            Shall I lie

Pengakuan Arifinto PKS

Dipanggil oleh dewan Syari'ah PKS, Arifinto mengatakan bahwa video yang ditontonnya saat Sidang Paripurna adalah Video Religi karena pemainnya berulang-ulang menyebut :

"Oh My God.. Oh My God...Oh My God........ "

GT Man

​Suatu ketika para superhero sedang berkumpul dan saling menyombongkan diri mereka.

Superman: "Aku bisa keluar penjara, karena jeruji besi itu bisa meleleh dengan sinar laser mataku".

Hulk: "Aku bisa keluar penjara hanya dengan jari keliking aku bisa merobohkan pintu penjara".

Invisible man: "Kalau aku bisa keluar penjara dengan mengubah diriku menjadi tidak kelihatan".

Kemudian muncul super

Ramalane Prabu Djojobojo

nDunjo iki wis tuwo.......Tjontone akeh djoko dadi dudo.......

Akeh prawan sing nglahirno putro tanpo bopo.......

Akeh rondo towo2 rogo.......

Djare ra penak turu dewe jen ora ono kontjo djedjoko.......

Akeh putro sing wani karo wongtuwo.......

Enek omah ibadat ora tau disobo....... malah sing disobo omahe germo.......

Didjak ibadah mesti semojo, djare sambat bojo'ne loro.......

Sing

Effort

A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.

Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.

Two of the ship's owners were there

Barber Shop

George Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave. Obama was quick to stop him saying, 'No thanks,

The Most Caring Child

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once Talked about a contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the Contest was to find the most caring child..

The winner was:

A four-year-old child, whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his
wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old Gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his

Watermelons

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.

After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign

Goodbye Mom

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout.

She turned to him and said,
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good

Ripped Off On E-Bay

I've Spent $150 on E-bay for a penis enlarger.

Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.

Tips Cerdas Memilih Bank Setelah Kejadian Melinda Dee

Tips Cerdas untuk memilih Bank yang aman saat ini:

1. Masuk dan perhatikan satu persatu para karyawati Bank tersebut.

2. Jangan sekali-kali menyerahkan slip setoran atau pemindah bukuan kosong yg sudah Anda tanda-tangani kepada petugas bank, secantik dan sebesar apa pun susunya.

3.Apabila sebagian besar karyawati bersusu BESAR, segera batalkan niat Anda menabung di situ.

4. Amati apakah susu

Irish Alzheimer's

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat

Origin of The Human Race

A little girl asked her Mom, "How did the human race appear?"
The Mom answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered,
"Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said,
"Mom, how is it possible that you

An Italian Boy's Confession

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa

Tentang Pernikahan

Di sebuah pesta pernikahan, seorang anak bertanya pada ibunya.
Anak : Mama, kenapa sih mempelai wanita pake baju putih?
Ibu : Karena ini hari paling membahagiakan dalam hidupnya, Nak.
Anak : (berpikir sebentar) Lalu kenapa mempelai pria pakai baju hitam?

***
Seorang dokter dan istrinya bertengkar hebat saat sarapan. Karena tidak dapat menahan emosi, Si Dokter bangkit dengan marah dan keluar

That's Life

 God created the donkey and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live  50 years."

The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.
---------------------------------------------------------

Simple FSM

'Finite state machines' are the heart of every game, and have been around for a very long time without you even noticing it. Ever played Pac-Man ? Well, it had a FSM (simple one, but still).

A finite state machine is a set of states with transitions between them. For example let's try to make a FSM representing a cat. The cat can sleep, wander around, go eat and run from danger. Then a sleeping cat could only wake up and start wandering around. It could fall back to sleep again but it could also go eat or run from a nearby dog. Take a look at the diagram:

To go from one state to another, we need to have a condition and depending on that condition we'll chose what state we should go to. The text over each arrow shows the transition condition. It is very simple to expand that FSM to make a smarter cat provided all transitions are properly made.

Each state defines a certain number of actions that are made when a new state is entered. This way we can create specific behaviors for each state as seen in the cat example above. 'Eat' state would be take food, chew, sallow and take food again until no more food.

In video games, state machines are used everywhere: 

• artificial intelligence: create autonomous agents for realistic behaviors, like an Unreal bot who can shoot you, then run away towards a medpac, then find ammunitions and finally hunt you again;
• cameras: switch between a top view camera to right shoulder camera when aiming at something;
• game states: menu state, option state, in-game state;

Now, this whole thing was to introduce you to the implementation I made. I don't think it's the best FSM ever created, I'm sure there a things I could do to make it better but it's far enough for the uses I've made so far.

To start we have two abstract classes: FSM which holds the current state and CState which defines the states process (they serve as an interface only). The state machine you want to create must derive from FSM and it's states from CStates. The states it should accept should only be the ones associated with that FSM to avoid mixing states from two distinct machines. That's why the ChangeState should take as argument the associated state class instead of the general CState class. See diagram:

This way we can create tons of state machines all independent from each others and having them well organized.
Using this method, the change of state calls a new and delete operator which can be troublesome if too many calls are made. Another method could be using templates instead of arguments and casting the current state but casting can also take lots of resources...Still looking at that.
I'm not showing code here because I simply don't think there is anyone reading this, I just don't think code's hard to write (unless I've explained myself as bad as the 9/11 explanations...)  and also because copy-pasting code is the nemesis of all programmers.

On last thing. If you ever played Starcraft II, you've probably noticed that a unit in it's 'Hold position' mode (all modes are states) will move to a target unit nearby if any, kill it and then fall back to the exact same location it was before attacking. This is possible thanks to stacked state machines.
A stack state machine is a state machine like any other, keeping track of the previous state it was. Doing so we can fall back from one state to one of the previous states if needed, keeping the state data.


Hopefully it was clear and without mistakes. Yes, since potential employers might read this, it would be silly to shoot myself on the foot :)

Canlis - 41st Anniversay Celebration

Cindy and I had a tasting menu dinner at Canlis last night to celebrate our 41st wedding anniversary. It was an amazing window table, service par excellence, interesting people watching, a very adventurous and beautifully presented menu, and a good time on tap for a 3 hours of dishes we would NEVER order individually on a menu.

Canlis was named this week a finalist, AGAIN, for best restaurant service in the United States by the James Beard Foundation. Well deserved based on our experience - a very busy, full, large, restaurant but it seemed there were more helpful, friendly, and always competent staff than there were guests. It was kind of cool.

The restaurant itself seems never changing, in a good way, with architecture, views and decor a classic NW/Asian vibe. After going there for 40 years I can't see anything different about the facility, service, or clientele.

The Clientele of this restaurant has not really changed over the years - we have been going there for 40 years - but that is what is really interesting. Everything else but the clientele in the world has changed dramatically. Today you can go to the fanciest public event or show and the attendees are in sweats and fleece. In this restaurant every guy is wearing a coat or suit, every women a dressy outfit. Really it makes high end New York look casual. There was a pretty good spread of ages, ethnicity's, and table group makeups but they all looked like this meal was, relative to their family wealth, one of the least expensive places in town. Big representation of couples our age hosting , interestingly, mostly adult daughters and their spouses for some celebratory event or another.

The menu at Canlis is extensive, expensive, and a list of classics that are each utterly satisfying in an ala carte format with extensive small plates, hot and cold, and a long list of mains. Over the years we have had most of them and enjoyed them. Last night we were feeling adventurous so we tried the tasting menu which is the polar opposite of their normal offerings. It was beautifully conceived, and presented. It was also quite good. However, I can't say it was really yummy the way most of their dishes are. But that is OK because it is really and adventure outside your comfort range and outside the range of classic dishes.

Tasting menu

Amuse Bouche - White asparagus soup with Olive Oil and grapefruit served with a spoon of Tequilla Sunrise which uses sodium alginate to turn liquids into a big bubble you pop in your mouth and it liquifies - fun and tasty.

Opakapaka - Sashimi with fennel pollen, orange, and a ginger-carrot nage which was surprisingly the tastiest savory course. beautiful and very good.

Scallop Mousse - Michael Richard would have been proud of the faux cannelloni. Alternating stranding of white and black squid ink spaghetti "pasta tube" filled with a scallop cream mousse with a charred (best idea of the evening I will steal for my cooking) cauliflower. It was a little scary tasting until I had the inspiration to put a little fluer de sel on it. The salt allowed the subtle cream and scallop flavors to compete with the squid ink.

Pheasant - An architectural piece of breast wrapped in crunchy cabbage, with a foie gras sauce and hockey puck (the tastiest savory bites of the evening - fried of course) of "dressing". If you have never had it or cooked it Pheasant is the toughest, least friendly game bird you could ever choose to eat - so pretty good is a massive compliment. There is something deep in the American psyche that deems "pheasant under glass" as the most elegant dish possible.

Venison - The second game dish was a dry aged, sous vide loin which was wrapped in a pretty tasty sheet of pine ash (by some magic of molecular gastronomy). In My opinion Venison kind of falls in the four legged camp of Pheasant - Not the meat of choice - but again it was pretty good.

Degistive - Cranberry Fizz - Another molecular gastronomy dish. A really yummy, fizzy, creamy, sweet palate cleanser served as an ice cream soda.

Dessert - Cindy had a chocolate molten cake that was awesome served with a kind of dove bar ice cream on a stick that was caramel covered with chocolate and way too much salt (And I am salt addicted) that somebody screwed up in the mis en place stage. I had the Butternut squash "cheesecake" which is way too complicated a plate to even describe. Beautiful, decent tasting.

Of Course, being Canlis, when we walked out the front door our car was sitting there with the engine running - impressive after all these years.

Humor with a Good moral - The Pastor

Here's a little CLEAN humor with a good moral ....

The Pastor's Ass

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won..

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race..

The next

Beethoven Backwards

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backwards! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard

Someone Sorry

Lee Sum Wan :  Hello can I speak to Annie Wan?

Mr  Sori  :  Yes, you could speak to me.

Lee Sum Wan : No! I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Mr  Sori : You are now talking to someone ! Who is this?

Lee Sum Wan : I'm Sum Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent!

Mr  Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell

What is Globalization?

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese

Perbedaan Mobil Baru & Penganti Baru

Apa beda mobil baru dan penganten baru ?

 Jawaban 1:
Kalo mobil baru, dibuka dulu baru dinaikin!. Penganten baru? Wah sama ya..
Salah !
Jawaban 2:
Kalo mobil baru, ada lubang minggir. Kalo penganten baru ? Ya maju terussss. haha..

Surat PENJUAL BUAH yg patah hati:

"Wajahmu memang MANGGIS,
watakmu juga MELONkolis,
tapi hatiku NANAS karena cemburu,
SIRSAK napasku,
hatiku ANGGUR lebur,
ini DELIMA dalam hidupku,
memang ini juga SALAKku,
jarang APEL malam minggu,
ya Tuhan,
Mohon BELIMBING-Mu,
kalo memang perPISANGan ini yg terbaik untukku,
SEMANGKA kau bahagia dgn pria lain...
SAWOnara...."
Dari: DURIANto

Surat Balasan dari pacarnya yang ternyata TUKANG SAYUR:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,...

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant...

Panic is when both are pregnant.

The Difference between Confident and confidential ?

A young boy asks his Dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential?

Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential.

The Importance Of Period

Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?

Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away

Losing All His Friends

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend and kills him.

His Wife says :

"If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends"..

How to Bite Breast

An Old Jewish man is walking down the street one evening when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.
                               
He says to her, "Hey miss, would  you let me BITE your breasts for $100?"

"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.  

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?"

Punjabi Lawyer

A Punjabi lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India
Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company's performance,
so I am sending 100 kisses.  You are my sweetheart, please adjust.
Your loving husband,
Tuna Singh

His wife replied...
TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses.  Below is the list of expenses I paid with the

Memory Joke

A 90-year-old couple were having problems with their memory, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

They explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were in good health, however, the best thing to do was to start writing things down and

How To Buy Poison In Pharmacy

A nice, calm, young and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your

Bill Gates

I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago.
While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates,

Pee Bet

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I can pee farther than anyone else".
"Yeah" the bartender says.
"Sure, and I can pee right on the spot from 75 feet away" the guy says.
"Yeah right" the bartender says.
"It's true, in fact, I'll bet you 100 dollars that I can pee right into a beer bottle 75 feet away and not spill a drop" the guy says.
"Go ahead" the bartender says smiling at

Help This Blonde To Call Her Mom

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost £300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).

"Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.

Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked

Ah, the innocence of children

Alas, where has all our innocence gone?
            
While I sat in the reception area
              of my doctor's office, a woman rolled  an elderly man
              in a wheelchair into the room.  As she went
              to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone
              and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make
              small talk with him, a little

Amisha Woman and her Daughter

An Amish  woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blistery day.

The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold.'

The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.'

The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands are freezing cold.'

The girl replied, '

Macam-macam Orang

Orang bodoh mengumbar idenya agar dikira dia pandai ,

Orang pandai mengumpulkan orang orang bodoh untuk mengembangkan ide.

Orang berduit mengumpulkan orang orang pandai untuk investasi,

Orang LAIN mengumpulkan ketiganya untuk membuat perusahaan bagi dirinya.

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of Myer's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '
' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'
' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable.
'Actually, even with all of this

Bahaya Makan Nasi

Hasil penelitian ilmiah yang baru saja dilakukan membuktikan bahwa makan nasi ternyata tidak baik bagi kita.

Kesimpulannya:

1. NASI MENYEBABKAN KECANDUAN. Responden kami yang tidak makan nasi selama sehari saja akan kelaparan dan merasa sangat ingin makan nasi lagi.

2. SETENGAH dari seluruh siswa Indonesia yang makan nasi nilainya ada di bawah rata-rata kelas.

3. Manusia pada zaman batu yang

Puisi Menentang Pornografi

PUISI ANAK2 BALI MENENTANG UU PORNOGRAFI.
   
Suara Hati Anak Pantai..
Bang Haji yang saya hormati..
Jangan salahkan turis pakai bikini..
Mereka mencari kehangatan matahari..
Di pantai kebanggaan negeri ini..
Untuk itu tolonglah Bali dipahami..
Tak mungkin berjemur pakai dasi..
Bang Haji yang saya hormati..
Mulailah engkau introspeksi diri..
Kelak kau temukan kebenaran sejati..
Jangan banyak

Kambing Congek Gus Dur

Gus Dur diberitahu oleh seorang ajudan bahwa di luar istana telah berkumpul sekelompok massa garis keras yg berdemo menuntut pembubaran Ahmadiyah.

Ajudan tsb juga menginformasikan bahwa para demonstran membawa ayam betina sebagai simbol berikut sindiran atas kepengecutan Gus Dur yg enggan membubarkan aliran yg mereka anggap sesat.

Gus Dur berjalan keluar istana dan menemui para demonstran

Woman Gives Back

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home..

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal..

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her..

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'

The Hamster and the Frog

A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.”

The guy says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”

The bartender says, “Only if what you show me ain’t risque.”

“Deal!” says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He

The Story of Good Girls; Bad Girls And Naughty Girls

Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons
Naughty girls unbutton your pants

Good girls wax their floors
Bad girls wax their bikini line
Naughty girls wax your nutsack

Good girls blush during sex scenes in movies
Bad girls know they could do it better
Naughty girls do it with whips and chains

Good girls wear white cotton panties
Bad girls

The Irish Millionaire

Mick, from  Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.

"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million pounds you've only got one life-line left – phone a friend.  Everything is riding on this question, will you go for it?"

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

"Which

Flying Over The Fire

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.

“I will be waiting for you at the airport!” he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with

Kentut Sebuah Puisi

Kentut (sebuah puisi)

Dia tak berwujud, tak bernyawa
Tapi baunya terasa
Dia tak berbahaya tapi dijauhi
Dia ramah tetapi tak didekati

Kalau bunyinya keras artinya jujur
Tak bersuara ertinya pemalu...
Keluar sekaligus ertinya berjiwa besar
Setengah-setengah artinya berhemat...

Oh KENTUT...
Orang Inggris kentut, dia bilang: "excuse me"
Orang Amerika kentut, dia bilang: "pardon me"
Orang Malaysia

Setting Telephone Poles

The local newspaper posts an ad for experienced linesmen needed to set new telephone poles for the phone company.

Three groups of 4 men answer the ad.

The foreman in charge says, “Good. Here’s a new truck for each group, complete with tools and all necessary equipment. Go set as many poles as you can in a day’s time, and the group which sets the most poles will be hired.”

By day’s end, the

Personal matter

This bartender is in a fun bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, “May I please speak to your manager?”
He says, “Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?”
She replies, “I don’t know if your the man to talk to…its kind of personal…”

Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, “I’m pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss.”
She then looks at him

Kids and God

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

One little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung

Nine Words Women Use

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be

8 Kata-kata Bijak

1. Uang bukan segalanya... Masih ada VISA & Mastercard

2. Sayangilah binatang karena mereka sangat lezat

3. Hematlah air! dengan cara mandi berdua bersama pacar di bawah pancuran shower

4. Di belakang pria sukses ada seorang wanita hebat. Di belakang wanita sukses
ada pria stress.

5. Cintailah tetangga, karena rumput mereka lebih hijau

6. Cinta itu photogenic, ia memerlukan tempat yang sepi

Clever Anagrams

This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the

Romantic Poetry

I wrote your name on sand, it got washed
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away, then
I wrote your name on my heart and I got heart attack.

God saw me hungry, he created pizza
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi
He saw me in dark, he created light
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental

Way Too Much Tequila

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well...., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."

The man certainly

Good Wife

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.”The driver says, “Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over

The Preacher Said

'If I had all the beer in the  world, I'd take it and throw it into the  river''

And the congregation cried,  'Amen! '

'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river'

And the congregation cried,  'Amen!'

'And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the  river'

Again the congregation  cried, 'Amen!'

The Preacher sat  down

Tentara Wedi Bojo

Mari pegatan muntiyadi terus rujukan maneh karo romlah.
Masalahe muntiyadi cinta pol karo romlah.

Kapanane ndek kesatuanne muntiyadi, tentara diperintah baris.
Tapi komandan njaluk barisanne dibagi loro.

Barisan sing pertama tentara sing wedi karo bojone.
Barisan sing kedua tentara sing gak wedi karo bojone.

Pas komandan ngecek barisan.
Barisan sing pertama akeh pol…
Barisan sing kedua cuman

Where is God

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.

They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he  would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

11 People On A Rope

Eleven people were  hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.

10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that  one had to leave,
Because otherwise they were  all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very  touching speech.

She said that she would  voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a  woman, she was used

Jenis dan tipe pipis lelaki

LELAKI PEMBENCI:
Sesudah pipis, trus ngeludahin pipisnya.

LELAKI CUEK:
Abis pipis, resleting ga ditutup, celana ga dikancing.

LELAKI COOL:
Pipis di kulkas.

LELAKI LICIK:
Pipis di dalam kolam renang.

LELAKI BERANI:
Pipis di dalam kandang singa.

LELAKI HANGAT:
Pipis deket kompor

LELAKI BUAYA:|
Pipis sambil tengkurep.

LELAKI HATI-HATI:
Pipisnya dikeluarin pelan-pelan (takut bunyi)

LELAKI

The Mailman's Last Day

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family, who
congratulated him

and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine imported cigars.

The folks at the

Roti

Seorang paman membuat surprise istrinya dengan mengadakan pesta besar memesan lewat telephone pada toko roti tart JUMBO ,
untuk ulang tahun istrinya dengan pesan tulisan. yang dibacakan lewat telephone.

ditulis paling atas,  Istriku sayang,

bagian atas  " kamu tetap cantik"
bagian tengah.."  hangat "
dan bagian bawah " setiap hari menjadi pujaanku "

Roti pesanan datang dan disaksikan tamu tamu

The Blonde Mortician

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, and points out that the man looks good in the black suit he's already wearing.

The widow, however, says she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives

At The Bar

Di sebuah bar di tengah kota New York, masuklah seorang Chinese bernama Kong  Beng dan duduk di kursi bar.

 Disamping Kong Beng duduklah 2 orang bule dan berkata pada bartender  "Johnnie Walker, Single"
 Dan yg satunya berkata  "Jack Daniels, Single"

 Lalu si bartender melirik ke Kok Beng dan bertanya  "And you Sir?"

 Dengan tegas Kok Beng menjawab:
 "Tan Kok Beng, Married"...

Mother in Law

Husband and wife had a tiff.
Wife called up her mum and said, “he fought with me again, I am coming to live with you”.
Mom said, “No, no baby, he must pay for his mistake, I am coming to stay with you.”

Dave sent his wife a message that he'd be home a day earlier than planned. Arriving at the house, he discovered his wife in bed with another man. Bitterly, Dave kicked them out of the house, and

Various Thinker

...It should be things...

Q: What is the definition of a baby.... ?
A: A cute little starter person.

Early to bed, early to rise and your girlfriend goes out with other guys.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

Q: Where do most women have curly hair?" 
A: In Africa

Grammar is important: Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle

Test Yourself

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility.
2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.
3. And discover #1 is a lie.
4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.
5. You'll soon forward this to another idiot.
6. There is still a stupid smile on your face .

I love this Doctor

I love this Doctor!
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not

Ceritaan Horor

Adi sedang dlm perjalanan ke Jakarta dgn bis mlm. Di tengah perjalanan, bis berhenti di terminal, seorg kakek tua naik & menawarkan buku2 pd penumpang.
“Bukunya nak? Ada mcm2 nih. Buku silat, cinta2an, agama, dll”, ujar si kakek.
Adi yg sedang tdk bisa tidur pun tertarik. “Ada buku horor ga kek?”
“Oh suka cerita horor ya? Kebetulan sisa 1. Pas lg ceritanya ttg bis yg ditinggali bnyak arwah

Jangan Pernah Menertawakan Pria China

Seorang pria China pergi ke suatu bank di New York City dan berniat untuk meminjam uang sebesar $5000 untuk perjalanan bisnis ke China selama 2 minggu. Si pegawai mengatakan bahwa bank tersebut membutuhkan suatu jaminan untuk pinjaman tersebut, dan kemudian si pria China memberi mobil Ferrari baru yang diparkir di depan bank sebagai jaminan.

Kemudian pegawai bank setuju menggunakannya sebagai

Hanny dan HanniBAL

Janggo yang bisnisnya memelihara kuda pilihan mendapat sepasang kuda jempolan, thoroughbred dari Arab.
Yang cewek diberi nama HANNY, dan yang cowok dinamai HANNIBAL.  Mereka memang kuda2 pilihan. Baru saja mereka dimasukkan satu kandang, Hannibal langsung saja “ngerjain” Hanny. Jango sangat senang melihat Hannibal begitu agressive. Dia akan mendapatkan keturunan kuda2 yang jempolan, pikir Jango.

Baron van Veght

Baron van Veght, seorang bangsawan pergi berburu dengan didampingi pembantunya yang bernama Jan. Dari pagi sampai tengah hari, mereka tidak mendapat mangsa satupun. Untuk pulamg ke rumah, masih terlalu pagi, dan untuk mengisi waktu, Baron van Veght mengajak Jan untuk membuat sajak secara bergantian.

Baron van Veght mulai dengan sebuah sajak.

Baron : “Jan, je moet niet boos worden. Het is niet

Filosofi Balas Dendam

Kalau ada orang melempar anda dengan batu, janganlah anda membalasnya dengan melempar batu juga.
Balaslah dengan melemparnya dengan BUNGA, tetapi pastikan anda melempar DENGAN POTNYA.

Oshima

Seorang Jepang yg mengunjungi sahabat lamanya di Amerika, ditraktir si Amerika ke restoran TGIF.

Amerika: "Do you know what it means, TGIF?".

Jepang: "No, what is it?".

Amerika: "Thank God It's Friday".

Si Jepang terkesan dengan nama dan kepanjangan TGIF tsb. Sekembalinya ke Jepang dia membuka restoran baru dan mengundang si Amerika untuk menghadiri launch nya.

Jepang: "Do you know what it

​The difference between CRAZY and STUPID

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to Mental Hospital. He discovered a flat tire when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tire down. When he was about to fix the spare tire, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.

One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The

School - College - Company Differences

School:
Two books for one subject.

College:
One book for all subjects.

Company:
Books? Ye kya hota hai. Only follow standards.

**
School:
A White pipe in teacher's hand - CHALK

College:
A White pipe in student's hand  CIGARETTE

Company:
A White pipe in employee's hand  100% CIGARETTE

**
School:
Most Frequent letter- LEAVE LETTER

College:
Most Frequent letter- LOVE LETTER

Company:
Most

Rencana Pemerintah

Rencana pemerintah per Agustus 2010" akan memberi gaji pengangguran di Indonesia sesuai lulusan sekolah yaitu:

SD= 1.250.000,-
SMP= 2.750.000,-
SMU= 3.000.000,-
S1= 4.250.000,-
Gaji buta tersebut akan diberikan dlm bentuk "YEN"...
Dengan ketentuan sbb:


YEN ono dhuwite
YEN Presiden'e mbah'mu
YEN Wakil'e pakdhe'mu
YEN ing tawang ono lintang
YEN betah ora ngguyu..

Si Amat Semarang

Si Amat (dudu Achmad lho) wiwit cilik manggon ndok galwareng Semarang, lahir 40 taun kepungkur ndok RS Tionghowa Iwan, saiki nyupir datsu jurusan nggaron – rayu lewat panglima.

Memper yen deweke saiki nyupir, nom-nomane mbeling, gawene galapan brompit lan sering kongkow-kongkow ndok panglima nalika isih anyar-anyare.
Numpake brompit jan sangar banget,samber nggelap tenan.

Maklum yen nalika

Facebook

Ada seorang laki2 yg pengen belajar facebookan trus dia g tau yg harus dilakukan makanya dia SMS temen perempuannya buat ngajarin Facebook,, isi smsnya kurang lebih begini:

mr X: Mey, warahi aq gae facebook yoo
maya: Oke, u wes nang ngarep komp?
mr X: wes, aq yo wes ndue email
maya: sippp, buka en, browser firefox, nek ga ngono internet explorer
mr X: browser ki opo?
maya: klik menu start trus

Grandparent's answering machine

Good morning. . . . At present we are not at home but, please leave  your message after you hear the beep. Beeeeeppp ...
If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 8:

 If you need us to stay with the children, press 1

 If you want to borrow the car, press 2

 If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 3

 If you want the grandchildren to sleep here

Jumping Off The Empire State Building

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

One turns to the other and says: “You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building – by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window.”

The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while

Tercepat

Seorang manager HRD sedang menyaring pelamar untuk satu lowongan di kantornya. Setelah membaca seluruh berkas lamaran yang masuk, dia menemukan 4 orang calon yang cocok. Dia memutuskan memanggil ke-4 orang itu dan menanyakan 1 pertanyaan saja. Jawaban mereka akan menjadi penentu apakah akan diterima atau tidak.

Harinya tiba dan ke-4 orang itu sudah duduk rapi di ruangan interview. Si Manager

Priest On Vacation

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation By not wearing anything that would identify them

As clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed For a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, Shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach Dressed in their 'tourist' garb.

They were sitting on beach chairs,

Hebatnya huruf S

Sekedar Senyum di Sabtu Sore


Semula Susi sekadar sahabat saya. Sekarang Susi sudah sungguh-sungguh sebagai simpanan sejati saya.

Susi sangat suka saya, saya sangat suka Susi. Susi siswa SMA Swadaya, sekolahnya sekitar Semanggi selatan.

Susi seputih salju, sehalus sutera, semanis sirop. Susi sangat sensual, semampai, sensitif, sexy. Susi secantik selebritis sinetron SCTV Sarah Sehan!

Semalam,

Maria

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.'
The first is that I iron better than you.'

Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second

An Elderly Lady Asserts Herself

An elderly lady finished her shopping and, upon return to the parking lot, found four men in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, screaming at the top of her voice that she knew how to use it and that she would if required, so they should get out of the car.

The four men didn’t wait around for a second invitation, but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady loaded

Cerita yang semuanya diawali dengan huruf J

Jeng Juleha janda judes, jelek jerawatan, jari jempolnya jorok. Jeng Juleha jajal jualan jamu jarak jauh Jogya-Jakarta. Jamu jagoannya: jamu jahe.
“Jamu-jamuuu…, jamu jahe-jamu jaheee…!” Juleha jerit-jerit jajakan jamunya, jelajahi jalanan. Jariknya jatuh, Juleha jatuh jumpalitan. Jeng Juleha jerit-jerit:

“Jarikku jatuh, jarikku jatuh…” Juleha jengkel, jualan jamunya jungkir-jungkiran, jadi jemu

Suami Setia

Sepasang suami-isteri setengah baya sedang ber-jalan2 di mal.
Mereka tampak sangat rukun dan saling menyayangi, terutama dari pihak suami yang menggandeng isterinya kemana saja mereka pergi.

Dengan perasaan kagum, seorang teman pria yang mengantar mereka ingin tahu rahasia kerukunan mereka walaupun mereka telah menikah kurang lebih 40 tahunan, dan menanyakannya dengan bisik2 kepada sang suami.

Salah Sambung

Seorang satpam yang sedang tertidur,terbangun mendengar dering telepon.ia langsung mengangkatnya. terdengar suara di telepon,"Halo, satpam?kaukah itu?"
"ya,ini Satpam,siapa ini?"
"Aku Majikanmu,coba kau ke depan kamar nyonya,dan intip dari lubang kunci,apa yang nyonyamu lakukan...!cepat! "
"Ba...baik tuan...!"
dengan gugup satpam itu segera pergi.sesaat kemudian ia kembali ke telepon.
"Sudah,

Tukar bebek

Dikisahkan ada seorang tukang jamu yang seksi, kulit putih, bodi semlohay, dan banyak pelanggan pula.
Salah satu pelanggannya akang Amin, penjual bebek di kampung setempat.

Amin : "Neng jamunya satu dong..."
Iteung : "mangga kang..."
Sewaktu menuangkan secangkir jamu, lirak lirik aja mata si Amin melihat betis mulus si Iteung yg waktu itu menggunakan kain selutut
Iseng2 si Amin tanya...

A : "

Pitik Homo

Ceritane tentang sebuah peternakan ayam.

Iki crita pitik-pitik ndik peternakane Mat Pithi. Ndik kono onok 25 pitik babon karo situk pitik jago, tapi wis ngurak, tuwo. Ndelok pitik jagone wis tuwo koyok ngono iku mau, sing mestine wis gak isok diarepno isok nglakeni babon sing sak mono akehe, Mat Pithi mutusno tuku jago situk maneh, sing jik enom.
Ndelok onok jago anyar, kathik jik enom,

Salah Roso

Pas perpisahan arek2 TK setiap murid nggowo kado gawe bu gurune

Sing pertama maju anake penjual kembang.Bu gurune ngambung kadone

ambek mbedek.  “Isine kembang yo?”

“Seratus untuk bu guru” jare anake sing adol kembang.

Mari ngono sing nomer loro maju,anake dhodol mracang.Ambek gurune kadone dikocok kocok.Wah,iki sodok angel mbedeke”Isine permen yo?”

“Pinter bu guru”jare anake wong sing

Utang

Sore2 jam 3 onok tamu teko omahe Cak No

“Kulo nuwun.Aku Kusen ning.Cacakmu onok tah?”jare tamune

“Sik durung mulih..diluk ngkas paling,pinarak sik cak” jare bojone Cak No


Mari ngono arek loro malih asik ngobrol ambek ngenteni Cak No mulih.

“Sik tah ning,lek tak sawang2 sampeyan iku uayu lho atik seksi pisan”Kusen mulai ngerayu.

“Peno ojok macem 2lho,tak kandakno bojoku digibengi sampeyan”

Sentir

Seorang guru sedang mengajar di kelas anak2 TK.

Guru        : “Bocah2, sopo sing iso ngekek-i contoh panganan ?”

Murid2    : “Kue Lapis”, “Onde2”, “Nogosari”, “Bolang-baling”.

Guru        : “Bener kabeh. Sek iki, sopo sing iso ngekek-I contoh permen / mut-mutan ?”

Murid2    : “Permen Coklat”, “Permen karet”, “permen lolli”.

Tuti, anak yang berumur 4 tahun mengangkat tangannya dan mengatakan

KB

Bu Suminah, KB ngagem alat nopo ?
Nganggé karèt KB paket BKKBN 'bu...
Menawi 'bu Sri ?
Suntik
Lha 'bu Yayuk ?
Ngangge dingklik 'bu..
Lho kok dingklik ??
Inggih 'bu, bojo kulo niku rak pendèk to nanging kulo duwur. Padahal senengané bojo kulo      menawi main kaliyan ngadheg, kepekso ancik2 dingklik...
Terus nopo hubungané kaliyan KB ?
Lha, nèk piyambake sampun badhe medal, dingkliké kulo tendang

Faith

A couple of nuns who were nursing sisters had gone out to the country to minister to an outpatient. On the way back, they were a few miles from home when they ran out of gas.

They were standing beside their car on the shoulder when a truck approached.

Seeing ladies of the doth in distress, the driver stopped to offer his help. The nuns explained they needed some gas.

The driver of the truck

You’re Not a Monk

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you.

Kucing diumbah Rinso

"Pak Joko, aku tuku rinso ne",

" Gawe opo mbah..?",

" Kucingku keno lumpur, kate tak umbah...." Jare mbah Cukluk,

" Mbah, sampeyan iki aneh-aneh ae, yo mati kucing sampeyan, kucing kok di umbah ambek rinso? ", jare pak Joko, tapi si mbah tetep mempeng ae ,

Singkat cerita, pak joko tetep ngedoli rinsone,

Besok pagi, si mbah teko nang toko ne pak joko,

" Yok opo kucing e sampeyan mbah ?",

"

Bang Tirta beli ayam

Bu Inem adalah seorang penjual ayam hidup, special ayam kampung di  suatu pasar tradisional, ,
 Suatu ketika, seorang lelaki, sebut aja namanya TIrta masuk ke lost bu  Inem utk membeli seekor ayam :
 Tirta:
 "Bu,, ayam betina satu bu,, carikan ayam yg asal Madura yach,,"
 Bu inem sambil bergumam dlm hati (macam2 aja nih pembeli,,) menyodorkan seekor ayam di dekatnya.
 Tirta pun memeriksa dan

Shopping at Costco

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco.. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - A lot

Mr. Bean

BRAIN TUMOR
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!


MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are

Mesin Penangkap Maling

Para ilmuwan di Jepang telah berhasil mengembangkan sebuah mesin penangkap pencuri (penguntil)

otomatis. Mesin ini bekerja secara efektif dgn memadukan mesin detektor barang yg dicuri, dgn mesin
penangkap pencuri yg ditempatkan di pintu2 keluar Super Market,Mall and tempat-tempat keramaian lainnya.

Dalam rangka uji coba mesin ini disebarkan ke beberapa negara :

-Di India mesin ini menangkap

3 Blonde Detectives

Three Blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said,
"So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said,
"To be a detective, you have to

CHINESE SICK LEAVE: 'I NO COME WOK TODAY!!!'

Hung Chow calls his work and says, 'Hey, I no come wok today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come wok.'  

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really  need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my  wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything  better and I go to work. You try that.' 

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do

Nun in a Cab

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.

Oneng Maen Puzzle

Si Oneng girang banget wkt dia berhasil menyelesaikan puzzle..

Ditanya ama Badjuri : “knp Neng, keliatannya girang banget..abis menang lotre ye ?”

“Kagak Bang, ini aye berhasil beresin puzzle dlm wkt 3 bln..”

“3 bln ? Lama amat Neng..”

“Yehh si Abang, ini dah cepet banget.. Tuh liat tulisan di Dusnya.. For 3 – 5 years”...

Grandma's don't know everything

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his Grandma for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while, and when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what's that thing called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse,