How To Get Oral Sex From Your Girlfriend

A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys  put their dicks?""Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter."But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"

How To Win A Free Sex

A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its salesso the Owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."Soon a local "redneck" pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), if he guessed correctly, he would get his Free sex.The buyer then guessed (8), the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was (7). Sorry,

How Beer Can Help Avoid Fights With Your Wife

A man came home from work, sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer.When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts.""

Irish Man and The St. Patrick

An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman... The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman,  and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot."The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?"
The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend

Sex With The Dog

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film  and it was due out in a month.A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With  his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row,  next to a couple who also seemed

Condoms for the Daughter

Three drunks were sitting at a bar.The first one said... "I went in my daughter's room, looked in the drawer and found a pack of cigarettes."He paused. "I didn't even know she smoked!"The second drunk said... "I can beat that! I went into my daughters room,  looked in the closet and found a case of beer. I didn't even know she drank!"The first two looked at the third as he begin to speak.."I can

The Biggest Dick Ever

A guy's walking along and sees a sign in a window that says, "$500 cash prize to anyone who can make my horse laugh." The guy goes in and asks to give it a try. He's in there 5  seconds and the horse just starts laughing out of control. The man walks out of the room and collects his $500.
A year  goes by and the same guy's walking by the same building, and  there's a new sign in the window.
And

When You Have To Take A Shit Real Bad

Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's  Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and  in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves.Two weeks later, he gets a

How To Get Blow Job from Your Secretary

A middle aged businessman goes to see his physician.
"Doctor, I've got this problem," the man says. "My secretary, she loves to give blow jobs. Every morning when I get to work I get a blow job. She gives me a quick one before I leave for lunch. And before I leave work at the end of the day she really works me over."
"So what seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, you see, my wife is

Bra For The Jesus Followers

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly went up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.""What type of bra?" asked the clerk."Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?""Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety,

How To Save Airlines

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping

Alphabet . . . For Guys !

"A" is for Awesome"B" is for Bouncing"C" is for Creamy"D" is for Dark"E" is for Euphoric"F" is for Fake"G" is for Gigantic"H" is for Hangers"I" is for In-Your-Face"J" is for Jiggly"K" is for Killer"L" is for Licking"M" is for Milky"N" is for Nippy"O" is for Orgasm"P" is for Pierced"Q" is for Quality"R" is for Ripe"S" is for Sucking"T" is for Tiny"U" is for Underwater"V" is for Virtual"W" is for

Ramalan Jayabaya

RAMALAN JAYABAYA. / JAYABAYA PREDICTION01.  Besuk yen wis ana kreta tanpa jaran.      ( One day there will be a cart without a horse ).02. Tanah Jawa kalungan wesi.      ( The island of Java will be circled by an iron necklace ).03.  Prahu mlaku ing dhuwur awang-awang.      ( There will be a boat flying in the sky ).04.  Kali ilang kedhunge.      ( The river will loose its current ).05.  Pasar

Einstein Never Published Theory

WHO KNEW..Einstein was born March 14, 1879.He would be 130 if he were alive today.Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. At the time he stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was so well endowed.He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is even stronger if

Brain teasers - with answers

1. Tom's mom had three children. The first was named May, the second was June. What was the third childs name?

2.
The manufacturer doesn't want to use it, the buyer doesn't need to use
it  and the user doesn't know he's using it. What is it?

3. The word CANDY can be spelled using just 2 letters. Can you figure out how?

4.
Bill bets Craig $100 that he can predict the score of the hockey game

Sarah Palin Vs Michelle Obama

A little girl wrote to Sarah Palin and asked; 'How did the human race start?'

Sarah Palin answered, 'God made Adam and Eve;

They had children; and so was all mankind made.'

Two days later the girl wrote to Michelle Obama and asked the same question..

Michelle Obama answered,

'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl went to her father and said,

Americans Never Exercise

"According to a new study, 50% of Americans are not getting enough exercise.

We hear this all the time.

You want Americans to exercise more,

make the remote heavier."

How To Get License To Kill

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now

True Bra Size Meaning

Have you ever wondered why A B C D E F are the letters used to define bra sizes? It is about time you became informed! {A} - Almost Boobs {B} - Barely there {C} - Can Do {D} - Damn good {DD} - Doubly damn good {E} - Enormous {F} - Fake

Penis Interview for Miss World

Question : Ms America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?Ms America : Well, I can say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.Question : How can you say so?Ms America : Because it stands every time it sees a woman........(Applause! Applause!)Question : Ms Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?Ms Spain : Male organs in our country are like our very own