How Fights Started

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

 I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is

Definition of Betting

A guy is put before the judge's bench because he is on trial for paying a prostitute for sex. "How do you plead?" asks the judge, to the defendant.

"Not Guilty, your honor."

Showing him a videotape of the alleged act, the prosecutor responds, "How can you possibly convince the court of your innocence, if we have both the sex act, plus your subsequent payment to the alleged prostitute right here

Discrimination

A Filipino goes to a Woolworth's grocery store in Sydney. He finds cat food at special prices. He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.

The Manager gets suspicious.

He thinks that this guy might not have a cat and will probably feed cat food to his kids. He asks the Filipino to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food. The Filipino goes home and returns with a cat

If Adam & Eve Were Chinese

Someone told,  that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise . Why?

Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!

Surat Buat Allah

Rio, seorang bocah yang sangat ingin melanjutkan sekolah, tetapi orang tuanya tidak mempunyai uang untuk
membiayai sekolahnya. Lagipula ibunya yang sedang sakit membutuhkan biaya untuk membeli obat. Akhirnya dia memutuskan untuk menulis surat kepada Allah : 

Kepada Yth: Allah di Surga.

Allah yang baik, saya ingin melanjutkan sekolah, tapi orang tua saya tidak punya uang. Ibu saya juga sedang

Akal Sekretaris Cantik

Suatu kisah sekretaris cantik yg ditugaskan oleh boss utk menemani klien penting si Raja minyak dari Arab.  Si raja tertarik dgn kecantikan sang sekretaris, tiba2 dia meminta si sekretaris utk menikah,

Tentu saja sekretaris itu terkejut, namun ia teringat perintah boss utk tdk mengecewakan kliennya dlm hal apapun. Lalu dia memikirkan cara utk menolak ajakan dgn halus. 

Baiklah,aku akan menikah

Oneng & Syarat Pacar

Emak memberi nasihat sama si Oneng neng kalo cari pacar hrs pake 3 syarat:

1. harus hemat
2. harus lebih bodoh dari kamu
3. harus masih perjaka

Satu hari Oneng jalan2 ke puncak sama Bajuri
Tapi karena kemalaman terpaksa menginap di hotel.

Esoknya si Oneng laporan ke Emak: "Mak aku sudah dapat pacar sesuai syarat mak yaitu hemat, bodoh, perjaka!

Emak: "Apa buktinya?

Oneng: "Kemarin waktu kita

3 Kondom

Abas masuk ke toko obat dan membeli sebuah kondom. Dengan riang dia bilang kepada pemilik toko bahwa sebentar lagi dia akan makan malam di rumah pacarnya. "Bapak kan tahu sendiri, biasanya setelah itu kan ada kelanjutannya" , tambah Abas sambil menyeringai. Kondom pun berpindah tangan.  

Baru beberapa langkah ke luar toko, dia kembali masuk. "Saya    minta satu    lagi", katanya. "Adik pacar

Telepon Emas & Soeharto

Saat melakukan lawatan ke Amerika Serikat, Soeharto mengunjungi Gedung Putih Sebagai pimpinan negara ketiga, ia sangat terkagum-kagum dengan kemewahan interior istana kepresidenan Paman Sam itu. Ia tambah kagum lagi saat masuk ke ruangan Bill Clinton. Di ruangan itu terdapat sebuah telepon berwarna emas yang menghiasi meja kerja Clinton.

Mata Soeharto lama tidak beranjak dalam memandang telepon

Definition of success

At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants

At age 12 success is having friends

At age 16 success is having a drivers license

At age 20 success is having sex

At age 35 success is having money

At age 50 success is having money

At age 60 success is having sex

At age 70 success is having a drivers license

At age 75 success is having friends

At age 80 success is not peeing in your

Mie Panas

Dalam sebuah jamuan makan malam resmi, seorang pria ambasador dari negara barat ( ketika mengambil makanan ) berusaha utk ramah terhadap seorang nyonya separuh baya yg merupakan salah satu pejabat dr Indonesia.

Ambasador : "Do you like salad?" Dikira nanya'in sholat, sang nyonya menjawab : "Oh yes, five times a day."
Ambasador : "Wow, that's very healthy! What kind of dressing do you like for

Eliminasi Huruf Abjad

Abjad yang digunakan di dalam bahasa Indonesia berjumlah 26, rasanya terlalu banyak, dan lagipula ada beberapa abjad yang jarang sekali digunakan. Oleh karena itu mari kita sederhanakan abjad-abjad tersebut
Pertama, huruf X, diganti dengan gabungan huruf K dan S Kebetulan hampir tidak ada kata dalam bahasa Indonesia yang menggunakan huruf ini, kebanyakan merupakan kata serapan dari bahasa asing.

Seniors in love

An elderly senior couple were invited to an old friends  home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

 While the husband was in the living room, her lady

Yahoo

Christine, seorang sekretaris cantik dari Michigan, sedang dalam perjalanannya yang pertama menyeberangi Amerika. Di sebuah gurun, ia terpaksa berhenti karena mobilnya kehabisan bensin.

Seorang Indian memberinya tumpangan dengan membonceng kuda.
Selama perjalanan, setiap beberapa menit si Indian berteriak "Yah-hoo" dengan kerasnya hingga gaungnya terdengar di seluruh gurun.
Akhirnya, Christine

The Tired Marine

The train was quite crowded, so a US Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was beside a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman who had her poodle sitting on it.

The war-weary marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'

The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular, 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'

The marine

The Attendant's Ladies Room

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied.

The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant's ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons. There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked: 'WW', 'WA', 'PP' and 'ATR'.


Making the mistake so many men make of not listening to a

The husband became the wife

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

'Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
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God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure

Priceless

Jack wakes up with  a huge hangover after attending his company's party.  Jack is not  normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all.   He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he was  feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.  Jack had to force  himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of

3 Putri

Alkisah ada 3 anak putri: Vira, Voni, dan Veni yang dinikahkan oleh orangtuanya. Setelah itu mereka pergi bulan madu bersamaan.

Kalau Vira pergi pulau Batam, Voni pergi ke Kepulauan Seribu dan Veni sibungsu pergi ke Bali.

Orang tua mereka minta dikirim kabar tentang segala yang terjadi selama mereka berbulan madu. Tapi agar berita yang dikirim adalah singkat dan tidak terlalu vulgar, mereka

Greatest Questions & Answers

THE 5 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS? A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN? A: Because when they come,

Don't Kick

A little Texas  farm boy came down to breakfast.. Since they live on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores.    "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother told him no breakfast until he did his chores.  Well, he was a little teed off, so he went to feed the chickens, and he kicked a chicken.  He went to feed the cows, and he kicked a cow.  He went to feed the pigs, and he kicked a